Close My Eyes and Leap
by chocoholicannanymous
Summary: A S4 Valentine's fic, in which Kurt did not return to Lima for the wedding. Fix-it fic, if you wish.
1. Close My Eyes and Leap

Disclaimer: I don't own Glee, nor would I want to with the current writing.

AN: I wasn't going to write Valentine's fic. I really wasn't. But then, suddenly plotbunnies. I blame tumblr.

**Close My Eyes and Leap**

Kurt looked at his phone as he hurried from class, debating whether or not to turn it on. Experience told him "not" was probably the best choice though.

Mr Schue's and Miss Pillsbury's wedding was scheduled to start in 15 minutes – and knowing Miss P, that meant it **would** start in 15 minutes – meaning everyone had to have noticed that he wasn't there by now. **If**, that was, Rachel had kept her mouth shut and not spilled the news the second she landed. (She'd promised, but. It was Rachel Berry.)

He'd wanted to come, had RSVP'd and everything, but then life had intervened. First there had been NYADA telling him "no" – and yes, "we can't stop you, but we strongly advise you **not** miss any classes unless it's an emergency" meant "no". Rachel had gotten a different answer, of course, but unlike her he didn't have a reputation as the Dean's pet.

He could have gone anyway, faked an illness – the doctor who'd given Santana a note for work would have helped him too – but then Isabelle had begged him to come into work. And he **owed** Isabelle. So. No Lima, Ohio and no wedding for Kurt Hummel.

It was probably for the best anyway.

Because Blaine would be at the wedding.

They were over. Kurt **wanted** them to be over, and he was trying to move on – felt he was, really – but. A part of him still had feelings for Blaine. He'd lost the trust, not the love – and no amount of hurt was going to change that.

Oh, he'd told Blaine he was working on forgiving him, but it was very much a work in progress, and one Kurt wasn't sure he'd ever truly achieve. Letting go of his anger had been for him, anyway, and not for Blaine. It had been draining, and Kurt had needed all of his energy to deal with his New York life.

Besides, forgiving Blaine was a deeply ingrained habit by now. Kurt wasn't sure he even knew how **not to** any longer. He knew how to not forget though, and that was perhaps his saving grace. Because the part of his brain that never forgot the wrongs done him whispered that Blaine would never learn. Hadn't so far.

Because the second Kurt had said "I'm trying to forgive you" Blaine had seemed to relax, to take that forgiveness for granted. Had taken it as such a sure thing that he'd felt safe tagging along with Kurt's dad to invade the loft during Christmas, acting like nothing was wrong. And Kurt had fallen for it. He'd played along, spent time with Blaine, when all he'd wanted was to be with his dad, and basically fallen into his old pattern of orbiting around Blaine.

And if he'd gone back for the wedding, then Blaine would have expected more of the same – and Kurt would most likely have fallen in line. Spending such a romantic occasion – a less battered Kurt would have gushed so hard at the thought of a Valentine's wedding – with his ex was setting himself up for a disaster. Not to mention the damage it would have done to his budding relationship with Adam...

In the end, that was why he hadn't fought his teachers, or Isabelle, about being made to stay in New York.

_Speaking of Isabelle... I need to hurry._

"Kurt! Hold up!"

And there he was. Adam Crawford. Kurt's heart beat a little faster, and melted just a little, at the sight of the smiling blond.

"Adam. Look, I'm sorry, but I'm in a hurry. Can I–?" he waved his hand in a gesture that could mean anything from "call you later" to "keep running".

"Not a problem, love. I knew you were busy, remember?"

Yeah, because Kurt had made sure that Adam knew. They got along splendidly, and Kurt really felt they could become something real, but spending Valentine's Day together carried so many undertones he wasn't ready for. On the other hand he hadn't wanted to make Adam feel brushed off either, and so he's made sure that the Brit knew exactly why Kurt wasn't free.

"Now, can I walk you to your stop?"

As always there was no uncomfortable silence, and when they reached the subway entrance Kurt actually sighed a little. He enjoyed spending time with Adam, and always felt they were parting too soon.

"So, this is me..."

"So it is. Wait a mo'." Adam reached into his bag and pulled out a plastic container and a thermos, and handed both over. "Happy Valentine's Day, love."

Kurt accepted them, almost on autopilot, and stared, shocked. Adam had gotten him something for Valentine's? With the exception of David the year before no one had bothered since third grade (the last year their teacher had enforced the "something for everyone" rule). Blaine certainly never had, and here Adam, who not only would be alone on Valentine's but who wasn't even really dating Kurt, had gone through the trouble.

It didn't matter what it was, Kurt still loved it on principle.

"It's not anything fancy, just a snack. Still, I knew you'd be short on time and that you might not be able to pick something up."

"Adam, I... Thank you. You didn't have to, but I really appreciate that you did. I really appreciate **you**."

He looked at the gorgeous blond, and tried to understand himself. Why wasn't he dating Adam for real again? The other boy wasn't just good-looking, he was also attentive and more supportive than anyone outside of Kurt's family. He'd even chased Kurt, instead of the other way around – and maybe that was it? No one had ever chased Kurt (and no, Chandler and David didn't count, not really) and with the exception of Blaine, no one had ever wanted Kurt to chase, never mind **catch** them.

The idea of someone wanting him enough to chase him was scary. Being responsible for someone else's happiness, the way Blaine had been responsible for his, was scary. Taking the chance, risking his heart, was **terrifying**.

He looked at the Valentine's Day offerings in his hands again. Maybe it was time to – not stop being scared, but stop letting his fears getting in the way of him taking chances?

"I have to run. I wish I didn't, but I do. But, how about I reciprocate" he waved the thermos a little "say, breakfast tomorrow?"

"That sounds lovely! What time? And where?"

"My place, of course. I have some breakfast recipes that are to die for – and the girls are in Lima, so we don't have to share. As for when," and he took a deep breath, steeling himself before jumping off the proverbial ledge, "how about I wake you up?"

There. It was as far as he could make himself go.

He could see the second Adam caught his meaning – the Brit stiffened and his mouth fell open.

"Are you sure?"

And the smile that broke on his face at Kurt's nod rivaled even the brightest spring sun.

"Okay. Then I'll go home, pack up a few things – anything special you want me to bring? – and I'll be here to walk you home. 8:45, you said?"

"Yeah, but Adam, you don't have to, I–"

"I know I don't, but I want to. See you then. Don't let Isabelle work you to death now, love."

The goodbye kiss burned throughout his subway ride, and the smile it caused was still on his lips when he walked through the doors at Vogue.

_Happy Valentine's Day to me._

~The End ~


	2. Take a Message Back From Me

This part was never meant to exist. Only, I forgot to mark the story as complete, and my brain got started, and... *sigh* Anyway, this time I'm leaving this as a WIP on purpose, since there'll be a third part, when I get the time to write it.

Titles, both for this and "CME&L" are of course from Defying Gravity".

**Take a Message Back from Me**

The last thing Kurt wanted to do was turn his cellphone on. Having had close to 24 hours of peace and quiet had been...paradisaical.

Sadly he didn't really have an option. First there was the fact that while he was supposed to have the day off from Vogue, Isabelle could call him at any time, and that was something he would never want to miss out on – her last minute calls always meant something amazing. Secondly, there was his dad and his health.

_You have to take the bad with the good sometimes._ And with a sigh he turned the phone on.

The amount of messages felt like a mountain landing on him, weighing him down and crushing his happiness. None of them were from his dad, or Finn. One was from Mercedes – that one he was going to read – but the rest... Blaine, Blaine, Blaine, Sam, Blaine Blaine, Blaine, Tina, Blaine, Blaine... He stopped scrolling down and started mass-deliting instead.

It was the same with his voice mail. _Delete, delete, delete, de– oh, Finn._

"Hey little brother. Ehm, so I guess you have your phone off. Good call. Except, you have to have turned it on now, to listen to this," Kurt smiled, enjoying Finn's nervous ranting, "but I'd turn it off again if I were you.

"Some people didn't take you not coming too well. Blaine, for one. Well, Blaine especially. Tina's backing him up, which is a completely different hornet's nest, and I'll explain all about it later, but. Pretty sure I've seen him try and call you like ten times already, three of them before the ceremony was supposed to start, and I don't think he's going to give up. I think he's up to something, and I don't like it. Are you **sure** I can't tell Puck? He'd take care of this for you, and you'd never have to be bothered again."

And yes, Kurt was sure. While the idea of Blaine being terrified and hurting held some allure to him, it wasn't worth it. He was a better person than that, and he actually thought Puck was too, history aside.

"Anyway, the wedding was called off, and I... I think it was my fault. Mr Schue's **pissed** and I think I need to lay low for a while. I wouldn't mind one of our talks either. So, get back to me? And remember: turning your phone off again is probably a good idea."

Kurt nodded to himself and went to do exactly that. But, the universe apparently had it out for him – a karmic justice of sorts, maybe, to balance out the amazing night he'd just had? Whatever the reason, his phone rang before he could turn it off, and to make things even better it was Blaine.

"Great. Dammit."

There was always the option of not answering of course, but. It was Blaine. He'd realize Kurt was ignoring his call, and get even more pissed off than he probably already was. Plus, when Blaine was in the mood he was like a badger; there'd be no getting rid of him.

Worst case scenario would have him hop on a plane to New York, for the third time since the breakup – ironical, since he hadn't managed before he cheated – and show up at the loft. And that, in the end, made up Kurt's mind. The last thing he wanted was to open the door to Blaine's face, especially since Adam was coming over again, this time to stay until the girls got back Sunday.

_Blaine would take one look at Adam, and call me either a whore or a cheater, I just know it._

Better to take this one call.

"Blaine."

"Kurt! Where are you? You missed the wedding, I can't believe you! Why would you do that to Mr Schue?"

Blaine continued ranting, and Kurt sighed, holding the phone a bit further away from his ear. As he'd suspected. Once the ranting on the other end calmed down, Kurt took a deep breath and prepared to do battle. Sort of.

"I had school, as most people do during weekdays, and–"

"Rachel managed to come"

"Yeah, well, that's Rachel. Besides, even she wouldn't have dared miss the class I had." Because while several teachers let Madame Thibedeaux's pet get away with too much, Cassie July was not one of them. "And besides, I had to work as well. Isabelle needed me. I didn't get off until nine last night."

"You could have told her no. It was Valentine's Day, and a wedding! Plus, it's not like she pays you!"

_Don't start screaming in public, don't start screaming in public, don't_–

"No, she doesn't. And if I start blowing her off to go back to Lima, she never will. Vogue is an amazing chance for me, Blaine, and unless I screw up, like, say by not being there when I'm needed, it could lead to a paying job.

"Besides, I have a paying job too, remember? Where they **also** need me – I'm working tomorrow. So, while going back for the wedding sounded great at first, it just wasn't working."

There was silence for a little while, where Kurt felt as if he could practically hear Blaine pouting. Just as he figured the other boy had gotten the message, and that he'd be able to hang up soon, Blaine started up again.

"You work too much. You should cut down – you never have time for anyone these days, everyone says so."

"And exactly how am I supposed to pay for things then? Sure, I like a certain amount of stereotype, but I think actually trying the 'starving' part of being an artist is a little too much."

"I'm sure Burt would–"

"No." Because there were limits, and one of them was apparently hearing his ex refer to his dad in such a familiar way. "Dad has enough, okay. There's the house in Lima, and a residence in DC, plus he has to pay someone to do his work at the garage. He's undergoing serious medical treatment, for the second time in less than three years, and there are all kinds of things that suffered after his heart attack that he's still sorting out." _Like paying tuition at Dalton, because I ran there, partly for you, instead of trusting dad..._ "On top of that he's paying mine and Finn's tuition, since neither of us got much in the form of scholarships, starting in the middle of the year as we did. I'm not asking him for another cent unless I absolutely have to."

Sure, his dad had made it very clear that he'd pay for tickets should Kurt want to come for a visit – be it to Lima or DC – and any emergencies that might arise. Still. Kurt was supposed to be somewhat of a grownup now, and that meant making sure he could pay for coffee, the subway and basic food for himself.

He just didn't think Blaine would understand that kind of thinking, not with how he'd heard his ex talk about how his parents would pay for this and that when Blaine went off to college.

"Get it? Besides, Miss Pillsbury and Mr Schue are both educators. They should understand that wasn't willing to risk my college education **and** my job in order to go."

"You didn't even call! Mr Schue was really disappointed. I can't believe you did that to him!"

"Oh, for the love of– I called Miss Pillsbury. Also, I talked to Finn, who was best man. I was assured they'd tell the groom. Besides, it's not like the wedding actually happened. Meaning I would have risked all that for nothing.

"I just don't get why you're so upset, Blaine. It's not like it was your wedding, or as if we would have spent that much time together – I would have been with Finn and Mercedes most of the time." He hoped.

"But, but..."

"Blaine, I'm sorry you're upset. I don't really understand why you are, but I'm still sorry. That wasn't my intention. It's just, I'm living in the real world now, not in the choir room. I have responsibilities, and I have to adjust accordingly. That's just how it is. And you can tell anyone else that might have an issue with me not coming to the wedding exactly that.

"Speaking of those responsibilities, I need to run. Take care, Blaine."

He hung up before his ex got a chance to reply, and immediately turned his phone off. Maybe it was time to consider a change of numbers?

What it definitely was time for though was hurry home – Adam would be showing up soon, and while Kurt still wasn't 100% sure where he wanted things between them to go, he knew beyond a doubt he wanted to be with Adam while he figured it out.

Maybe this would turn out to be just a fling, a rebound. Maybe it could become something amazing, and beautiful, and **lasting**. They might even, Kurt thought with a startled laugh, turn out to be the greatest team there ever was.

He moved through the crowds, completely in sync with the city's pulse by now, quietly humming the tune that felt like his anthem while looking forward to strong arms, warm eyes and a sunny smile.

Oh, and cookies.

~ The End ~


End file.
